it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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