Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
