I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
