just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
