the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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