Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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