Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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