I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
