I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Buhtt sex?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize