sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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