its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
