This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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