So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize