He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
ttyl tear gas
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
