JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
