Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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