why didn't you poke me back
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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