Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
