We won't sleep together?
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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