the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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