I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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