Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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