Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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