he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
