The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
