When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
