Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
