He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
