a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
