you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Shitshow foam night was such a success
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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