I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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