alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
