you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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