im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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