A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize