the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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