Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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