Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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