What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
