Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
