I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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