I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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