I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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