the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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