Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
