Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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