her vagine was all disorganized.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
