Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
