My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
