I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
