i jhust puked up my retainher.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
