census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
