So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize