Christians are straight up FREAKS
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
