All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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