Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
