After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
