I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Randomize