I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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