I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize