I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
