You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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