I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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