The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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