Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
