the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Let's get the cat blown out
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
